Why I Quit Teaching After 22 Years
Originally published on Blogspot 10/5/2022
This August, as all of my friends and colleagues, returned to the classroom to start setting up, I was at the gym working on joint mobility. While they were sitting through laborious meetings and professional development, I was pouring over books and web articles about Paleo Diets, Autoimmune Protocol, and supplements to alleviate inflammation, brain fog, and a host of other symptoms. While my friends headed back to work, I was still taking multiple naps a day and sleeping more than ten hours a night. And while this could very well be an article about my "autoimmune journey" or the failure of American healthcare, it's really about how I got here; to this crossroads.
The short answer is that I had to leave the classroom after 22 years for my health. But the long answer is just what one would expect after a long summer of restrictive legislation and book bans in many states. It is the result of an unsustainable system that almost daily removes support and protections from the very front-line workers that need them, then wonders why "nobody wants to work." After all, don't we "have a duty to our children?"
I literally have to walk away from that last statement. It's been used and misused so often in my career to guilt professionals into continuing and maintaining practices that are downright destructive to themselves personally, and not that helpful to the overall system in the first place. The system needs to be reformed, but that's not going to happen while perpetuating old and harmful practices.
My Five Whys:
So what is the "real" answer? Why are seasoned educators "abandoning" their posts? What is the root cause and how do we fix it? I'm not sure I have any of those answers, but this is my story.
Poor Health
Starting in the here and now, I have an autoimmune disease. Autoimmune disease, unfortunately, is becoming more and more common in the United States. The only positive side to this is that there is a growing public awareness and medical professionals are more apt to at least know what you're talking about. More tools are being made available now, as well, so the outlook (depending on where you live) seems to be improving.
Speaking generally, one doesn't just wake up in the morning and suddenly have an autoimmune disease. Most build subtly over years caused by a myriad of conditions that, when combined with a person's particular genetics, can trigger an autoimmune response. Many autoimmune diseases can be coaxed back into remission, but this usually involves significant (and often restrictive) lifestyle changes and some kind of medical intervention. It's a long problem-solving process that often takes years because it is so highly personalized.
So, present misery aside, I have an autoimmune disease but it did not spring out of the clear blue sky. The root causes were collected over several years culminating in a perfect storm in 2020. Probably not a surprise to anyone out there.
Some of my root causes, especially dating back many years, are pretty cliche. And while they're not specific to the teaching profession, they were certainly reinforced by the culture. Standard American Diet as well as a sedentary lifestyle are two examples. Chronic dehydration doesn't help.
Most teachers I know, even healthy-minded ones, can't seem to make it work all of the time within the structure of the typical workday. Most consider coffee to be "breakfast," maybe pack a lunch but then abandon it (for various reasons), snack through the afternoon while nobody is looking, soothe the emotional trauma of the day with salt or sugar, then go home and order take-out for dinner because who has time to cook? And finish with wine. Don't forget the wine. Even those of us who keep a water bottle handy are careful not to drink too much because bathroom breaks are few and far between. God help you if there is a line at the staff bathroom during a passing period. Elementary school teachers have it worse; they often have to get colleagues to cover their classes to get bathroom breaks.
It is no wonder that one of the main root causes of many autoimmune diseases is a "leaky gut" or another digestive disorder. If by some miracle a particular autoimmune disease isn't caused in part by digestion, it will definitely have implications for digestion as it progresses.
The tipping point for most autoimmune diseases, however, is usually some form of stress.
Chronic Stress
When I was in my twenties, I enjoyed the fast-paced challenges of the typical teaching day. There was always something to do and a problem to solve. I enjoyed these kinds of projects and had the energy in abundance to meet them. However, as I traveled the state from district to district and site to site, what I started to notice was that many of the challenges that teachers were meant to face each day could have been prevented if the administration had been proactive or better organized. In short, I started to find that most of the problems in a day were, in some cases, contrived, and in others, completely avoidable.
The new trend in staff development these days is to address stress as a staff issue. We are told that we need to create a "work/life" balance (and then our administrator texts us at home at 9:00 PM). We are told that we need to practice "self-care" (but make sure your grade book is updated first, and we don't have subs for personal days, so...).
The thing is, if a teacher can make it through the first five years, chances are they have developed a work/life balance that is as good as it is going to get given the conditions. Chances are they have created their own support system and have factored in some self-care, whatever that looks like. The problem with stress in the school setting is the vast majority of changing variables that the teacher has absolutely no control over.
For example, the teacher is often the first point of contact for a parent or student regarding a sudden (or not-so-sudden) change in school or district policy, especially if that policy is supposed to be enforced by classroom teachers. Our district changed its stance on masking three times. One can imagine how much fun that was.
Teachers have little or no control over master or student scheduling. If their administrator is courteous, they may have been notified a day or two before significant changes are made, but sometimes teachers don't find out until the students do. I have been notified a couple of times 24 hours before I was to teach an additional course that I hadn't prepared for. One time I also had 56 students signed up for a class in a room with a 32-student seating cap. This one was clearly an error, but teachers have to deal immediately with the consequences of the mistake until it is sorted out, and that may take minutes or months.
Regardless of what really happened, the narrative is "teachers need to be flexible," "rolling with the punches is part of the job," and my personal favorite, "we're a team."
There are also a growing number of student crisis incidents in classrooms; whether that means that a student can't self-regulate and starts exhibiting disruptive or violent behaviors, that they are experiencing a mental health crisis that results in suicidal ideation, that they are in an unsafe situation at home that requires intervention, or that they are in an unsafe situation at school or within peer groups that also needs intervention. The list goes on.
Teachers don't just leave this accumulated trauma at the door. We care about our students and regardless of excellent self-care practices this baggage piles up and can linger. Even if we could "leave it at the door," it's just waiting for us again the next day.
It's safe to say from my experience, that as far as stress goes, there was something ridiculously traumatic nearly every day. And just as this book title suggests, The Body Keeps the Score. My body sure did.
Poor Leadership and a Toxic Work Environment
Unfortunately, the root of most of my stress can be attributed to poor leadership in some form or another. Failed leadership isn't always at the site level, either, but at a higher level, and the repercussions are felt throughout the system.
I've read a lot of articles recently where teachers cite a lack of administrative support as a core reason for leaving the profession. This is a common reason and has a huge impact on a teacher's day-to-day work environment. However, what is not often discussed is the fact that this is usually the "final straw" and is the culmination of several prior critical managerial errors.
Part of the problem lies in administrative preparation programs biasing instruction towards legalities and theory, relying on a candidate's (sometimes limited) classroom experience to help them navigate conflict resolution and management of resources including human resources. This philosophy is based, to my mind at least, on the misconception that a "good" teacher will make a "good" administrator. In my opinion, this grossly overestimates the number and types of skills needed to perform each function. In other words, it grossly undersells leadership skills AND teaching skills.
Another problem that frequently contributes is the lack of longevity in leadership positions. There are many reasons for this, one being most administrative positions (in California at least) being "at will" employees. School boards can and do dismiss administrators without cause for whatever reason at the end of very short contracts. Administrators are under enormous pressure to deliver measurable (read remarkable) results in short periods of time to keep their positions and/or be considered for advancement. They in turn transfer this pressure and expectation to their staff.
The results are:
Haphazard and ill-thought-out rollouts of new policies and initiatives. Procedural changes based more on flashy "trends" and industry watchwords than on current site data or best practices, canceling any posibility for cumulative growth.An inability to recognize shifts in climate or culture within a work ecosystem let alone facilitate cohesion and teamwork. Limited problem-solving capability and overall lack of creativity when addressing complex or multi-part issues that aren't in the "playbook."
When challenged by parents, superiors, or board members about why the proverbial wheels are falling off the wagon, the blame game ensues and teachers are the convenient scapegoats. Unfortunately, it is plausible--we all know "that one teacher" who makes the statement true. It's plausible, believable, and in some cases might be true. So the gaslighting begins.
The narrative shifts from "poor rollouts" to "lack of staff buy-in." Trendy watchwords get switched out for the next batch and new binders are printed, new posters are distributed. We become "data-driven" and "evidence-based" with spreadsheets where the labels on the y-axis have been carefully removed so that nobody really knows what we're actually looking at. Toxic culture finds root, but now we say that this individual or that department aren't "team players." The final insult comes when the building is on fire, parents are picketing, and administrators have played all of their limited cards: throw a teacher under the bus.
The Shifting Societal Role of Schools
It would be a lot easier to shore up school and district leadership practices, improve preparation programs, and mentor for success if schools knew what the heck they were doing: from the inception of the public education program in America, there have been disagreements about what "education" entails and what schools, as community centers, should provide.
The last several years have seen another monumental shift in social perceptions and expectations. The roles of teachers and administrators have increased as exponentially as the building usage. In addition to education (which we still can't agree on, by the way), schools are expected to be before and after-school child-care providers, screeners of mental and physical health, and meal and clothing distributors. Schools are community centers for sports, music, drama, and other arts. They provide a point of access to support for homeless families, foster youth, crisis mental health services, and child protective services. For low-income youth, they provide the only meals students consume in a day, the only access to materials and technology, and the only access to tutoring.
In the classroom, the definition of "education" has exploded beyond the "3Rs" to include all of these things and more. Schools provide general education, remediation or intervention, accelerated curriculum, enrichment, and special education. "Differentiated instruction" has nearly become "individualized instruction" to the point that it is not feasible or sustainable unless we just plug everyone into a computer all day.
I'm not arguing that there isn't a need for all of these paths or services. I'm not even arguing that schools aren't the best option (at present) for distributing these services. I am saying that the current model isn't working because most school systems have exceeded, by funding, staffing, or capability, their capacity for the maximum number of things they can do well. So very few do anything well.
The expectations seem to be the killer part: with each new program or initiative, built with the intention of improving student wellness and success, more is expected of the adults. After all, it's for the kids.
An unexpected result of this shift in intention is this: Twenty years ago, parent conferences for failing students sounded fairly child-focused with parents more often than not, expressing a desire and willingness to serve in a supporting role. Today, those same conferences more often than not are school-focused with children in a "supporting" role and parents offering to "monitor progress." Given the growing number of resources and services schools offer, it has been an easy trap for schools to slip into--after all, if the student still fails, the school can safely say that they've "tried everything."
What has been forgotten out of hand is the student. In this model, other than squinting at the page, the student doesn't have to "try" to do anything. The responsibility for learning is placed 100% on the teachers and staff at the school. If nothing at the school works, it's clearly nobody's fault. Unless it is the teacher's because they gave the student a failing grade in the first place.
These trends culminated in the perfect storm in 2020.
COVID
I don't know of any school or district that boasts that they were the "masters of the Pandemic." At best, districts will claim that they "weathered the storm." Most are trying to put the whole thing in their rear-view mirror as fast as they can and "return to normalcy."
For my students, the biggest casualty, besides a lack of access to essential services, was the loss of engagement. It's not simply that engagement went down, but that students over a two-year period learned not to be engaged in learning at all.
Return to the classroom didn't change engagement for most students at all. The ones who did their work online and engaged with the content did so when they returned. The middle group who treated online learning like passive content consumption, continued the practice when they returned. Those who did nothing online did almost nothing upon return. There were very few miraculous conversions. And why not? Most schools in my area removed almost all responsibility and repercussions from the students and placed any remaining ones squarely on teachers.
What's Next?
My hope for schools and districts is not an immediate "return to normalcy." I hope schools and districts take the time to examine what is working and not working at all levels of their systems before running blithely on to the next initiative. Despite everything, I am still a believer in public education and I don't think the best solution is to defund it or institute universal voucher systems. But a serious overhaul is needed given the changing needs and social environments schools find themselves in. Currently, the system isn't sustainable for students, faculty, or staff.
Do you know how "normal" it is for teachers to reach the end of their careers with major health issues such as mine? I'm amazed they've made it to the end of their careers at all. I've lost count of how many colleagues I've known who have battled cancer. Do you know how many consider alcohol a self-care system? This martyr culture isn't helping anyone, especially our children.
As for me, I won't be fighting this fight from the podium in my classroom this year, or any other year for that matter. I've got a long way to go to regain my health, and once I get it back I can't afford to jeopardize it in this way again.
In the meantime, I hope sharing my experiences and insights will help others consider implementing changes that will benefit everyone.
